Press On

Over and over again the stubby-legged turtle climbed up the steep, slippery side. Each attempt brought the turtle to the same height, only to send him right back into the pond. Without hesitation, the turtle repeated it’s original ascent. Unfortunately, the determined turtle slid right back down again and again.

As I watch the turtles futile attempts at reaching it’s goal, I think about my lack of persistence at times in pursuing God’s plan for me. My whiny times of wishing my situation was different. The way I’d focus so much on my circumstances. My “shortcomings” which I wrongly assumed made me stuck. Unable to climb back up to reach toward God’s calling.

God’s creation, the turtle, didn’t show any sign of losing focus. The turtle didn’t heave a loud sigh when his short legs failed him once more. He didn’t throw a fit, trying to remove the hard shell hindering his labor up the slope. No. The turtle just went right back to the original plan, and repeated it over and over. The turtle accepts it’s lot in life. He accepts his short legs, hard shell, stiff feet, and short stature. Each time he falls, he doesn’t waste a single second doubting his original plan, bowing down in defeat, or whining about his circumstances. 

My girls and I watched this turtle  (turtle video) for several minutes. Unfortunately, I was so taken by the turtles tenacity that it didn’t occur to me to video his attempts until the end when he finally succeeded. With big eyes and laughter on our lips, we watched the turtle with sheer delight. And, when he finally reached his destination we clapped and cheered for the turtle.

My whiny defeat was quiet, but yet it lingered in my heart for far too long. At age 25, when I was diagnosed with a chronic, life-threatening, life-altering disease, you wouldn’t hear me complaining about my circumstances. But, the Lord heard me. And, of course, even when I didn’t vocalize my complaints to the Lord, He knew what was in my heart.

My whining sounded something like this:

Why, Lord?

Why did you give me these high energy kids when I am a mom with low energy? 

Why do I keep facing the same trials over and over? 

Why do I continue to experience one rare disease after another?

And, the constant looming question, what is your purpose for my pain, Lord?

Not only was I repeating the same trials but my growth was stunted. I was stuck.

The apostle Paul writes about a remedy for this pattern in the book of Philippians in the Bible.

Philippians 3:13-14, Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Rather than being stuck in the past, focusing on previous trials, even yesterday’s trial, Paul says to forget it.

When the turtle slid back in the water, after another failed attempt, he didn’t float around in the water, with his head slunk low, rehashing his failed pursuits.

In all my questions and struggling to make sense of my circumstances, my attention was stuck in the past.

Paul, not only tells us what not to do, he gives us further instruction. “Strain forward to what lies ahead”.

I noticed the turtle continued to keep his focus on his goal. Each time he descended into the water, he kept his narrow head pointed in the direction of the slope he was to climb. He never turned away.

Once I stopped looking at the trials I had gone through, I was open to the Spirit leading me towards what the Lord had in front of me. I could see the truth.

The truth was I had faced life threatening trials, but I was still alive.

The truth was I had faced the inability to bear children, but I was a mom.

The truth was my life wasn’t much like I had planned it to be, but it was the life God had for me.

Then Paul continues on by stating, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

The turtle looked upward. We never figured out why the turtle was determined to climb up the slope, but his call was clear. He didn’t look back at where he’d been. He pushed and pulled his way upward.

Jesus’ call is upward. He’s not calling us backward or lower. Each step I take along this walk with Jesus, takes me higher. Closer to Him.

Don’t you hear Him calling?

Press on, my beloved.

Talk Time

Throughout my time listening to Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford, I heard about the idea of “Talk Time”.

Talk Time: 10 minutes of uninterrupted, focused time with each child at a regular time each day.

From early on in the book, Stafford told about her precious time with her two daughters and the way it cultivated an atmosphere of peace and love in their home. Her two children looked forward to “Talk Time” and began to count on it as one of their favorite times of the day.

Not a time to teach, nag, remind, instruct, change behavior, or give a lesson.

Just a time to talk. Connect. Love.

Listening to Stafford describe times of laying in bed with her girls, smelling their scent, noticing their growth, and hearing them talk, took me back to the earlier years when this was a regular night-time occurrence for our family. Reading books, singing songs, praying, talking about whatever their little minds thought up.

What happened to this sacred time? At what point did I decide my children didn’t need a time to connect at the end of the day? When did it become easier just to read one book to both girls at the same time, forgoing their unique interests and need for one on one time? And, what confused my mind into thinking scrolling Facebook at night was a better use of my time than focusing on my loved ones?

As I neared the end of listening to Hands Free Mama, I heard it again. One last punch about “Talk Time”. My mind didn’t wander this time. I heard it loud and clear. This 10 minutes of focused one on one time can change your family.

Due to multi-tasking while listening and overload of information input at times, I will need to listen to or read the book again. There are valuable tips that have already escaped my mind. But, due to the Spirit intervening and engaging my mind at just the right moment, I have not missed the importance of “Talk Time”.

John 14:26 describes how the Holy Spirit intervenes to help us learn, understand and remember what is necessary for us to live the life the Lord wants us to live, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.”

Because the Holy Spirit led my learning, no longer will I tell myself, “Tomorrow”…

• “Tomorrow, I will have the energy at the end of the day to focus on my kids”
• “Tomorrow, I will make them a priority”
• “Tomorrow, I won’t be too distracted”
• “Tomorrow, I will encourage an earlier bed time so we can enjoy that special time”

Nope, today is the day.

• Today is the day to look into the eyes of my girls and surprise them with my time.
• Today is the day to lay down next to them just like when they were toddlers.
• Today is the day to hear the thoughts they end the day with.
• Today is the day they will go to sleep knowing their mom wanted just a little more time with them.
  

  Today is the day our regular adventure with Talk Time begins.

Free to Listen

I am on a journey to live with more focus. My journey began with repeated prompting from the Lord. Again and again, He revealed to me all of the distractions I allowed into my life. Again and again, I heard Him, yet continued in disobedience.

The Lord is using Hands Free Mama to guide me along practical steps to decrease the distractions and increase my focus.

My family and I just returned from a long trip. 11 days away from home. 11 days of no regular routine. 11 days of no time to myself. 11 days to quickly turn my back on the work the Lord is doing in my life to refocus me.

It started on the airplane we took across the country, traveling to Orlando.

“WHAT? There’s a movie screen in the back of EVERY seat? We can watch movies ALL the way to Florida? Best day ever!” my screen deprived children exclaimed.

After seeing our children snuggle into their movie comas, without a word, my husband settled back to watch a “shoot ’em up” movie, the likes of which he hasn’t seen ever since Veggie Tales, Barbie movies, and America’s Funniest Videos overtook our TV screen.

I looked around and noticed every single person within my vision glued to a screen. Some focused on the screen on the seat in front of them. Some on a hand held screen. Some with both screens flashing. Nothing left for me to do but listen to the audio version of Hands Free Mama and play a mindless game on my phone. Sucked into my own screen without thought of the miniature sized games or read aloud books we had packed with plans of connecting with our children during the long flight. Everyone was content with their choice of activity. But, no one was interacting.

Not only were we not interacting, we were not listening.

“Would you like a snack? WOULD YOU LIKE A SNACK?” the flight attendant repeats her question to my children a little louder.

My girls were unable to hear the flight attendant talking to them without physically removing the headphones from their ears. In fact, they completely missed the first time she spoke directly to them. There was no chance of them even noticing her coming down the aisle with her oversize cart, asking all the other passengers the same question.

It wasn’t until days after returning from our trip that I realized that was exactly what I suffered from during my 11 days away. The inability to listen.

Due to my distracted state, I was unable to hear the Lord’s still small voice. 

2 Corinthians 10:5 in the Amplified Bible states, We are destroying sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ.

Your word, Lord, tells me to take every thought captive, every purpose captive…in obedience to you.

But, how can my thoughts be dominated by Christ, when my eyes and mind are bound to what displays on a screen?

The answer, the only answer is that they cannot. My thoughts cannot be bound to Christ when they are already bound to what ever my eyes see on the screen.

I cannot hear the Spirit whispering to me. I do not notice the Spirit nudging me. I am blind and deaf to the Spirit’s leading.

Thank the Lord for His mercy.

We are home from our trip and I am right back to hearing the Lord instruct me. He never left me. He will not allow me to go down in my disobedience. He remained with me. It’s just that now I am back to having my eyes, ears, and mind unbound from what the enemy uses to distract me. Instead I am wide open to hear the Lord.

I am free to listen once more.

My journey to focus: 

Lessons Learned at 3:00 am

New Beginnings

Are you on this journey as well? I have heard from several lately that God has them on a similar path. Please share your story in the comments. Your stories encourage me. 

Child-Like Faith

The stage lights shut off and the auditorium lights brighten. Standing up from our seats in the large auditorium, Mikayla notices a young woman sitting alone in her seat.

“Mom, I feel like I should go talk to that woman?” my sensitive, heart of gold girl says.

Amongst the hundreds of people in the room, I have no idea what woman she was seeing. Before I had a chance to really focus on who she was talking about, my inquisitive Abby began her rapid fire questions, “Where are we going now, mom? Can we swim now, mom? I am hungry. Can I eat something?”

We slowly rise from our seats and begin the gradual exit from our row. Turning my head the direction I last saw Mikayla go, I see the most beautiful sight. Mikayla is leaning towards the crying young woman she had spotted earlier, with her hand on the woman’s shoulder. Both have their eyes closed, heads bowed. Praying to the Creator. The Comforter. The Counselor.

After Jesus was crucified, resurrected and then appeared to the disciples, He explained the power the disciples held by abiding in Him, the power we hold, and the power Mikayla called on when praying for the young woman.

Mark 16: 17,18: And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.

Mikayla laid her hand on the young woman, and called on the power of the Holy Spirit to comfort and strengthen her.

This week at AMTC (Actors Models and Talent for Christ) Shine has been a whirlwind. We watched our 11-year-old, Mikayla, act and model all week in front of hundreds of spectators. Our family saw her smile and enjoy herself doing something she loves: perform. She came alive in front of the camera and audience.

But, the moment that took my breath away, was watching Mikayla pray with a woman more than twice her age. Encouraging the woman in the way the Spirit led her. After this powerful encounter, Mikayla joined us in walking out into the lobby. No mention of the selfless act she just performed. The performance from the week I can just imagine caused God to smile with delight.

With jam-packed days, with people always around, I am embarrassed to say, it wasn’t until a day or two later that I followed up with Mikayla about her encounter with the woman. When I did, I couldn’t hold back the tears.

“Mikayla, I keep meaning to ask about the lady I saw you talking to the other day in the auditorium.”

“Oh, the woman, I prayed with?” she casually asks.

“Yes. Is she okay? What was wrong?”

Mikayla sensitively begins, as if she’s right back in the moment with the hurting woman, “She said she just wants to feel closer to God again. She said she feels like she wants to have faith like a child again, to just trust God. So I prayed with her, mom.”

My body fills with a flood of warmth. Tears instantly stream my cheeks.

Isn’t that just like God? To bring a faith-filled child to pray and encourage a young woman in need of child-like faith? 

Oh, God. You know our needs. You know the best way to meet our needs. You know the best time to meet our needs.

Of all the proud moments I had this week, I was never prouder than seeing my 11-year-old following the lead of the Spirit, forgoing her flesh without a thought, and reaching out in faith and love.

Christmas Sacrifice

The tree outside the library window is standing tall in the cold static air. Barren branches, exposed to the weather. Branches hanging, empty, yet containing life inside of them. Branches free of any weight. Free to move in the wind or to remain still in the stale air. Arching over each other like a canopy.

Like that tree, I sat barren for years. Not allowing the life inside of me to spill out. Selfishly holding onto the energy, activity, life created in me. Stifling my God-given nature, and fueling my self-centered nature.

And like those protective canopying branches, I tried in vain to protect myself. No outward, life giving protection, no inward strength.

Then there’s the evergreen tree. Showing it’s beauty all year. Holding on to it’s covering, it’s shield from the storms. Remaining faithful in it’s creation. Not changing with the seasons.

Our Christmas tree, sitting in the middle of our front room, symbolizes that faithfulness. We go out and find the most beautiful tree each year. Stomping through puddles, and then hauling the tree home.  From there we place the green tree in the stand, adorn it with decorations and lights, and then enjoy it’s beauty and wonder throughout the season.

This tree, this Christmas tree…this tree displayed to celebrate  “Christ’s Mass”, commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, in our home, reminding me to focus my heart on His birth. His coming to earth. The Father sacrificing His son by sending Jesus to us…to me.

Since allowing God’s truth into my heart about 20 years ago, each Christmas seems to hold a deeper meaning than the one before. I remember that first magical Christmas. Presents losing their importance and the Christmas Eve service becoming a highlight for my longing heart. Each year, the Lord reveals more of Himself and my heart becomes more and more connected to the impact of that Virgin birth in the stable.

What clouded my heart from fully celebrating Christmas all those years? What in me caused material items to come before the Father’s gift to me?

Sometimes it feels easier, less vulnerable to focus on the materialism this time of year, rather than face my need for a Savior. 20 years ago, I had to face my brokenness, my sin and shame, and realize my need. I had to face my inadequacy, my inability to do anything on my own about my situation.

Some of us are letting guilt and shame block our path from receiving His righteousness. The book of Romans explains that all of us have fallen short and we all require a Savior. None of us on our own are good enough. All righteousness, all goodness abiding in me is from the Lord.

That’s what we celebrate at Christmas. Jesus Christ came to this earth, born as a human child, to live a short while on the earth showing an example of living out love. And then ultimately dying so that His righteousness could live inside of me… Inside of you.

How can I meditate on this  birth, this sending down, without thinking about another tree. The tree my Savior was nailed to. The heavy cross, made from trees.

The Father, sacrificing twice…sending His beloved son to earth. Leaving the glory of heaven to live on this sinful earth. And, then once again, sacrificing His son through  death on the cross.

This sacrificial birth and death beg me to ask myself, what am I willing to sacrifice?

Like the leafy tree outside the window, letting go of it’s protection each fall, opening up to receive what nature has in store for it. Can I let go of some of the false protective barrier I hold on to and allow the Father to lead me in His plans? This coming year, can I release my plans and open up my heart to His plans, trusting in His protection, His goodness, His Faithfulness?

Can you sacrifice? Can you let go of your futile attempts to be good enough? Release your desire for perfection? Your to-do lists? Can you open up to the Lord’s plan for you? Open up to allow His righteousness to live within you? 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for sacrificing your son through His life and death. May each of us be more open to you this coming year. May we lay down the barriers between us and allow more of You into our hearts. Amen.